Exercising my right of Free Speech and also your right to leave this site if you disagree.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Mercury Poisoning

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your hat?" She purred.

"No Ma'am, I don't think that would be a good idea. This is a rather disreputable hat and I wouldn't want it on my conscience. You seem to be a nice girl." He said and tossed back the remainder of his scotch.

"Why don't you let me decide what is best for me?" She said sliding into the seat opposite him. "I like the look of your hat."

"Trust me ma'am, you don't. This felt is steeped in evil and would rain ruin down on one such as you. Besides it wouldn't match your pumps."

"If that hat is so rotten why do you wear it? Are you so good that you can't be corrupted? What makes you so special, huh?"

"I'm afraid that I have been so tarnished by the world that this hat can no further mar my soul." He said. "It finds me to be a kindred spirit."

"Oh you are not so tuff. You are still concerned about me. If you were truly corrupt you wouldn't care what hat I wore."

"Step back there sister," He said. "You never said anything about wearing. Wearing is a far cry from introductions. Have you no morals?"

She laughed derisively. "How better to meet a hat than to wear it? How else can a girl get acquainted?"

"I see you like to live dangerously," He said. "That kind of thinking could get you killed. A bad hat is not a laughing matter."

She slid off the seat and walked past him with deliberately amplified hip motions and tucking a card into the band of his fedora whispering, "If you change your mind, ring me up sometime. My head does get so cold on these winter nights."

He watched her leave in the mirror over the bar and then motioned to the barman for another scotch. Reaching up he tossed the fedora on the table and scowled at it. "Why is it all the dames go straight for you? I can't get any action at all since I stuck you on my head. I should trade you in for dapper bowler or a suave panama or a dashing Stetson, anything but you."

The hat just smiled quietly to itself as he downed another double.

Monday, December 29, 2008


Headache and tension mark the modern life.
A thousand pricks and cuts the soul degrades.
All beauty and joy rendered to paler shades.
Each day, 'tween office walls doth offer strife
and severs calm as a butcher's knife
doth sever flesh with whetted blades.
Each moment glimpsed of outdoors' shades
doth inflate a longing rife
to saunter out among the leaves
and nature's simple beauty capture.
A longing wells within that naught can ease
but memory of past times retrieves
one moment of nature's rapture
puts again the confined mind at ease.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Strain J-3-16

He watched her across the room as she peered into her microscope, jotted down some notes, replaced the slide and repeated the action. She continued changing slides and making notes through the entire tray representing the last week's subjects. With each slide she seemed to grow more tired. When she finished, took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, he spoke."New strain?" She nodded her head in response but did not speak. "More compound dwellers? I had leaflets last week - under my door." "No," she said. "Just some mildly paranoid proselytizers. A few apocalyptic tendencies but nothing too volatile."
"Well, that's good I suppose." He said.
"Good? No, it's not good. I'm not worried about the exact characteristics of the strain. It's just that we're seeing a new strain nearly every week. Do you realize that close to 89% of the population feels the 'presence' now?" She sighed and visibly slumped on her stool. "I really think it's time that we act. I think it's time we look into adding anti-virals to the water supply."
He raised his eyebrows at the suggestion and looked at her over his glasses, but didn't say anything.
Her own worries and insecurities leaped to fill the silence. "We would have to do it with complete secrecy or it would be the fluoride scare again, only worse - much worse. But it's a much bigger public health concern than tooth rot. I don't see how we can keep from acting soon"
"They will not love us for it." He said softly.
"I said, 'They will not love us for it.' Even if the anti-virals are completely successful as they seem to be in the lab, it will only be the next generation who will benefit. If we do this and it works, there will be chaos. 89% you say; that's probably a low estimate. That many people suddenly cut off from the presence..." He whistled a long low whistle. "Even if we eradicate the virus, the thoughts and the memories are still there, if they find out or even believe a rumor that's close to the truth, they will tear us down and any institution that protects us. Are you prepared for that?"She cocked her head to the side and mockingly replied. "Who's paranoid now?"
"Not paranoid. I just don't want you to have any delusions about what it means to remove the delusions of the god-spoken. When the presence is gone they will seek a reason. Most will assume they have been abandoned due to a lack of faith and zeal. A religious mind deprived of the presence will try to work harder, pray harder, to do something. Kill the viral body and you sow the seeds of zealotry. Some will claim to feel the presence returned and will lead the others. If god has abandoned our nation, our people, it must be because of 'them'. You don't burn your neighbor's house and kill his family if he looks like you and talks like you, he can't be the problem, but another neighborhood, another town... What if they look different, talk different, eat different food? Civilization will burn."
"Could you be more melodramatic? Have you no faith in humanity at all? You make it sound like we shouldn't even try. How many wars and genocides has the presence caused and you say that removing it will cause even more... Supposing you are right, what do we do?"
"You know my stance. We inoculate our children and those we trust and slowly spread through the world, a population of the immune. And there have been some promising results from trials just using rational argument to combat the virus. The team at Cern has indicated that under a certain weight of evidence the virus just gives up and leaves the body."
She laughed derisively, "You are walking paradox. First you see humanity as a volatile mob that can't be trusted with its own freedom from delusion and now you think they can be trusted to take evidence to combat a virus. Wow! You do never cease to amaze."
"Wish you were right, for my son's sake and yours, but I fear your way too."

Friday, April 25, 2008

Department of Defense Contractor Arrested and Charged With Improper Disposal of Classified Materials...

(Humor Fiction)
Fri Apr 24, 2008 3:15pm EST

Department of Defense Contractor Arrested and Charged With Improper Disposal of Classified Materials

The Individual Believed to Have Worked Alone

CHARLESTON, Apr. 24 /BSNewswire-FUBARNewswire/ --- A Department of Defense
contractor was arrested in Charleston SC on Apr. 24, 2008, and charged with
improperly disposing of U.S. Department of Defense (DOD)classified materials, the Department of Justice announced today. The individual is believed to have acted alone in an ongoing conspiracy to subvert critical elements of national security.

In a fifteen-count indictment returned on Apr. 1, 2008, and unsealed today in
U.S. District Court in Atlanta, Bubba McJunkin was charged with eating, over a period of five years, an estimated 1500 documents classified confidential and top secret. McJunkin then allegedly excreted the documents in an unclassified toilet.

"This case demonstrates that the DOJ will aggressively investigate and prosecute any who attempt to derail the efforts of the Department of Defense to keep the nation's secret. It is not so much that McJunkin consumed the documents in question but that he, with open disregard for his responsibility to his nation, went in an unsecured toilet. The DoD provides clear guidance on the proper use of high flow composting toilets that completely obliterate any readable material in the fecal matter," said Thomas L. Bland, Assistant Attorney General.

According to the indictment, McJunkin conspired to flush the nation's secrets into an unsecured sewer where Al Qaeda could easily retrieve them.

"Investigating corruption and unsecured toilet practices within the Defense Department is a priority for the Defense Criminal Investigative Service (DCIS), and this case demonstrates that DCIS will expend the resources to investigate these sorts of allegations, no matter how anal it makes us seem," said Ignatius Patrick Freely, Special Agent in Charge for DCIs.

This indictment is an example of the Department's commitment to protect U.S.
from it's ever present enemies by keeping a tight reign on the bowels of those with access to privileged information. The National Defecation Leakage Prevention Initiative announced in October 2004 is designed to promote the early detection, identification, prevention and prosecution of improperly flushed document laced feces.

The investigation is being conducted by the Freedom Plotz Division's National
Criminal Enforcement Section and the Defense Criminal Investigative Service.
Anyone with information concerning illegal conduct in the passing and flushing document laden turds by DOD employees is urged to call the National Criminal Enforcement Section of the Freedom Plotz Division at 202-119-5555.


About Me

I am a husband and a father of two. I work as a network administrator. I am interested in religion and philosophy, though mostly from an external perspective.