"Aren't you going to introduce me to your hat?" She purred.
"No Ma'am, I don't think that would be a good idea. This is a rather disreputable hat and I wouldn't want it on my conscience. You seem to be a nice girl." He said and tossed back the remainder of his scotch.
"Why don't you let me decide what is best for me?" She said sliding into the seat opposite him. "I like the look of your hat."
"Trust me ma'am, you don't. This felt is steeped in evil and would rain ruin down on one such as you. Besides it wouldn't match your pumps."
"If that hat is so rotten why do you wear it? Are you so good that you can't be corrupted? What makes you so special, huh?"
"I'm afraid that I have been so tarnished by the world that this hat can no further mar my soul." He said. "It finds me to be a kindred spirit."
"Oh you are not so tuff. You are still concerned about me. If you were truly corrupt you wouldn't care what hat I wore."
"Step back there sister," He said. "You never said anything about wearing. Wearing is a far cry from introductions. Have you no morals?"
She laughed derisively. "How better to meet a hat than to wear it? How else can a girl get acquainted?"
"I see you like to live dangerously," He said. "That kind of thinking could get you killed. A bad hat is not a laughing matter."
She slid off the seat and walked past him with deliberately amplified hip motions and tucking a card into the band of his fedora whispering, "If you change your mind, ring me up sometime. My head does get so cold on these winter nights."
He watched her leave in the mirror over the bar and then motioned to the barman for another scotch. Reaching up he tossed the fedora on the table and scowled at it. "Why is it all the dames go straight for you? I can't get any action at all since I stuck you on my head. I should trade you in for dapper bowler or a suave panama or a dashing Stetson, anything but you."
The hat just smiled quietly to itself as he downed another double.
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